Soo aside from the release of my first rom hack review, i wanna talk a lil bit more personally about me and writing as a hobby. I have write a lot in my short 25 years of life, but most of it is either lost, burried in old hard drives or even burned. Why? Cause writing is something i always done, ever since i have memory.
When i was a little girl i dreamed of publishing a book, and i haven't really given up on that just yet but the current state of the world kinda scares me. I mean if I am really cynincal and optimistic we can argue that is probably the time writting is needed the most, along side many forms of arts. As i learned in university studying spanish literature, most of the greatest pieces of media ever written was not written in the privilege of peace times in a fancy mansion. El Quijote was written in a prison cell and most of the spanish literature in the 20th century was written hiding from the Spanish Civil war. Even in my own country, only Donoso got to be a best seller without many complications. While most woman like Marta Brunet or Gabriela Mistral had to sign with their husband or other man names, Pablo Neruda (as despicable of a human being he is known to be) had to fled to Italy because of the Pinochet Dictatorship. In the end, is never a right or wrong place to write, is always needed to express what is in human minds.
The problem with my writting though is that is a lil bit tainted by my own life, I had said before that even though i speak and love spanish, that english is my comfort language (which is ironic because i am very anti-imperialistic person). But is truly the only language i can write and speak in my own house without a care in the world. I use to write a lot of poems in spanish (some of them still present in my Neocities), but I cant publicly say I am proud of them in my house, or even in my close friend groups. Cause i inmediately cause worries and even fights. Truth be told, their is a lot of sadness in my writting, but thats because I am not allowed to be sad in spanish.
There is this toxic mentality arround my family and friends, to just "let things happen" and "be happy with how things are". I always refused that. I knew something was wrong with me for as long as i breathed, and the only way to express it was through writting. One day, my mom found my writtings and was devastated, as even though it was pretty well written in her words, it was soo full of sadness that it made her cry a lot. I don't like making my family cry, nobody does, but i felt soo bad interpreted on that day. The poems were not about her or any of my family btw. It was about the state of the world at the time, how i started to doubt that people could be good and that a God existed, cause of how awful the world was. Ever since then i kept my writting more secret, and most importanly, i started writting in English, cause not only is safer for me to write and read, but also because it reminded me of those same Chilean ladies who used to write in French for the safety of her own writting.
But know i am writting again, not only that. I write in both languages and even combining them. I will not share the full story of my depression and my recovery, but i will say one thing. I am glad i can write, it not only helped me cry when i couldn't and connect with myself when i need it. I am also able to express a lot nowadays, that including happiness and optimism. Cause if there is something I need you to take away from this, is that no matter the time our mental state, is always good to write. And now that i am happier than ever, i will not abandon writting my heart out. The world may look like shit nowadays, and i send a big hug to everyone who is struggling on any place that is suffering. But is always right to feel and express yourself. Keep being yourself, keep writting and maybe one day you will find those happy times on your words.
Sorry for the more serious yapping post, but you know me :3 i just love to yap and be silly <3 and this is one of those posts
When i was a little girl i dreamed of publishing a book, and i haven't really given up on that just yet but the current state of the world kinda scares me. I mean if I am really cynincal and optimistic we can argue that is probably the time writting is needed the most, along side many forms of arts. As i learned in university studying spanish literature, most of the greatest pieces of media ever written was not written in the privilege of peace times in a fancy mansion. El Quijote was written in a prison cell and most of the spanish literature in the 20th century was written hiding from the Spanish Civil war. Even in my own country, only Donoso got to be a best seller without many complications. While most woman like Marta Brunet or Gabriela Mistral had to sign with their husband or other man names, Pablo Neruda (as despicable of a human being he is known to be) had to fled to Italy because of the Pinochet Dictatorship. In the end, is never a right or wrong place to write, is always needed to express what is in human minds.
The problem with my writting though is that is a lil bit tainted by my own life, I had said before that even though i speak and love spanish, that english is my comfort language (which is ironic because i am very anti-imperialistic person). But is truly the only language i can write and speak in my own house without a care in the world. I use to write a lot of poems in spanish (some of them still present in my Neocities), but I cant publicly say I am proud of them in my house, or even in my close friend groups. Cause i inmediately cause worries and even fights. Truth be told, their is a lot of sadness in my writting, but thats because I am not allowed to be sad in spanish.
There is this toxic mentality arround my family and friends, to just "let things happen" and "be happy with how things are". I always refused that. I knew something was wrong with me for as long as i breathed, and the only way to express it was through writting. One day, my mom found my writtings and was devastated, as even though it was pretty well written in her words, it was soo full of sadness that it made her cry a lot. I don't like making my family cry, nobody does, but i felt soo bad interpreted on that day. The poems were not about her or any of my family btw. It was about the state of the world at the time, how i started to doubt that people could be good and that a God existed, cause of how awful the world was. Ever since then i kept my writting more secret, and most importanly, i started writting in English, cause not only is safer for me to write and read, but also because it reminded me of those same Chilean ladies who used to write in French for the safety of her own writting.
But know i am writting again, not only that. I write in both languages and even combining them. I will not share the full story of my depression and my recovery, but i will say one thing. I am glad i can write, it not only helped me cry when i couldn't and connect with myself when i need it. I am also able to express a lot nowadays, that including happiness and optimism. Cause if there is something I need you to take away from this, is that no matter the time our mental state, is always good to write. And now that i am happier than ever, i will not abandon writting my heart out. The world may look like shit nowadays, and i send a big hug to everyone who is struggling on any place that is suffering. But is always right to feel and express yourself. Keep being yourself, keep writting and maybe one day you will find those happy times on your words.
Sorry for the more serious yapping post, but you know me :3 i just love to yap and be silly <3 and this is one of those posts
